Angel In Time
by CharmedWorld
Summary: Does he have an unknown angel?


Title: Angel In Time

Author: Helene/CharmedWorld  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: Post ep. In Extremis  
Disclaimer: I don't own a darn thing  
Summary: Does he have an unknown angel?

"I'm sorry" he said and then he walked away, walked away like all the others, passing the journalists with their cameras on his way, passing the people standing nearby like he didn't know any of them. He had walked away like it was just another day, another rough day on the job, maybe this one a little rougher than all the others but what the hell – it was just another day after all… right?

It may have looked like another day to everyone passing him on his way through the cold streets of New York City. It may have looked like he was just another man enforcing the law, just another man who kept the streets seemingly clean. It may have looked like he was just another lonely guy on his way home.

And to some extent he was. He was just a guy on his way home, he was just a man enforcing the law in his own special way and this was just another day but something was different from all the other days.

This day was a little rougher, a little shorter and he was a bit more than just a lonely guy – he was a lonely guy with the power to enforce the law, a lonely guy who lost an innocent today and a lonely guy who was walking the cold streets of New York City with a broken heart nobody really cared about.

- Or so he thought anyway.

And of course – he was wrong. He thought he was all alone, he thought no one had seen it and that he was just being silly when he took all this to him and allowed himself to get hurt by it.

It wasn't exactly supposed to be like this – especially in his business, taking things too close like he did wasn't a good thing.

But he couldn't help it!

He was the type of person, caring for everybody and everything and he couldn't just turn his back on it and say "so what?" or close his eyes and pretend it never happened. That simply wasn't who he was. This guy was an ocean of feelings and worries. This guy was somehow different from most people.

Because he felt it all though never voiced it.

Voicing it would mean having to explain it – and he couldn't do that. How could he explain that he felt everything – even the things he wasn't supposed to feel and didn't want to?

It wasn't doable in any way at all. Mission impossible! People would look at him and go "you're nuts – go see a shrink or something!" And frankly – Martin wasn't interested in hearing that. Not again. He had so many times before and every time it only had him hurt more because he could feel the other person's fright of him.

God he hated him self and his life sometimes!

Today though – something had changed. In more than one sense. Today he saw something he never thought he should see – or rather; hoped he wouldn't have to see. Things like the one today were something that was to be expected in his business. Today he had the situation under control, his suspect calming down and getting to his senses when someone from out there did what they were trained to do and fired those shots that killed Anwar Samir.

Anwar Samir – the name he would never forget. The face and dark eyes that would haunt him in his sleep now for many, many nights. He just knew it. – And god, he hated it!

So in that way today was different. Some one innocent lost his life because he tried to save other people – among them his girlfriend. He lost his life because he cared – and that was what hurt the most. This man saved tons of lives everyday and the one day he had to risk his own in order to save the woman he loved and all the other people like her, he had his own life taken.

It wasn't fair.

How could it be? How could it ever be fair that this man was supposed to die? How could caring so much about other people kill someone? It was meaningless, it was painful and it had him feel sick to the bone. Sometimes being the hero of society and save the day could actually suck. Really suck.

And today it did.

He hadn't done anything wrong at all – he had followed procedure and done all he could and he knew that but still – when those bullets flew through the air and shattered the glass behind him, Martin felt his heart break and his insides fill with guilt. – Which was really weird considering he had stuck to the books and done all in his power to stop this from happening.

And when he couldn't and he was forced to realize it – something died inside Martin Fitzgerald and he learned the painfully lesson it was that not everybody can be saved – not every were meant to stay amongst other people. Some people were just destined to die alone.

And die too soon.

It hurt – realization hurt.

"Martin?"

A woman's voice called out to him and he jumped, feeling a warm soft hand on his shoulder. He was surprised to find himself sitting at his desk at the office, staring blankly at his computer screen. He didn't remember how he got here or what it was he was supposed to do. The last thing he remembered was walking the streets of New York City, seeing people stare at him.

He felt empty, his mind blank.

He felt like he was a walking dead – a sleepwalker, wandering around without a real purpose, just wandering around because sitting still felt too empty. Wandering around, walking down an unknown path, not really caring what was to come next; the brink of a precipice or just plain road.

It could be either – it could be neither for all he cared.

"You don't look too good – is something wrong?"

The voice called out to him again and Martin shook his head, trying to clear his mind though finding it impossible. Suddenly it was impossible to concentrate or focus on anything.

The voice was sincere, yes worried even but Martin couldn't feel anything but pain and emptiness – for today he had failed.

"I uh – I don't know" He sighed, rubbing his eyes before looking up, seeing Samantha sit on the edge of his desk, smiling weakly at him.

Martin couldn't believe it. This woman – who he had adored from the second he stepped foot in the office, was now sitting at the edge of his desk, giving him her undivided attention.

It was more than he had ever expected – this woman worrying about him, caring for him. It was all so unexpected and overwhelming.

Those hazel eyes, so deep, so beautiful.

She was staring at him, the hazel stars of hers filled with concern, yet so incredibly calm. Martin didn't understand how she could be this strong. Neither did he understand why she would even bother to care how he felt or looked. She hadn't really before.

Well she had teased him when he returned from California with Danny but that was basically it, since then nothing.

And now this.

"Come on," she said, reaching for his hand and held it in hers, squeezing it gently, causing warmth to spread through his body; "I want to talk to you – let's go grab a coffee in the park"

Grabbing their respective coats and wallets, they walked out of the, by now, almost empty bullpen, and to the elevators, Samantha holding Martin's arm gently. She wanted him to know she was there even if they had been fighting earlier that very same day. She really hadn't meant anything by it – she just hadn't agreed with him.

And as it turned out – neither of them were right. Not completely right anyway.

Seeing him like this; so affected by the situation, so worn down by Anwar's fate and by how Lindsey had taken things. It was hard to witness – especially when she deep down actually did care about him. Samantha wasn't the cold bitch everyone was trying to make her. Not that she couldn't be one but she did have feelings.

And seeing Martin like this actually touched her though she couldn't quite tell why.

There was just something about this guy that really took her by storm. Something about him was different. Danny was crazy, funny and he cared, Viv was the mother of the team – the heart and Jack – well he was the boss. But Martin – Martin was… well different somehow.

There was something behind those blue eyes she couldn't quite determine what was. She couldn't quite put her finger on it

He just seemed deeper in some way. Like he cared about people – even if he barely knew them.

And for some reason it touched her.

Walking down the street with him, both holding hot coffee in their hands, heading towards the park and a bench with a great view over the lake. It was the place she always went when she was down, or when she needed to wind off and slow down after 48 hours on the job – non-stop.

She loved it here!

"We did what we could do you know – Jack didn't have any choice" She spoke softly after a while with only utter silence between them. Both looked at the lake, the still, dark water, looking so tempting. Though only few knew that below the warm surface, the water was cold as ice and the currents strong enough to sweep you off your feet, the cold water causing your muscles to cramp and most people panic.

It was kind of the same with Martin. On the surface he was completely calm and very confident and strong.

But today she had seen him break – his surface drop and his heart rule him.

Normally it would frighten her but for some reason Martin couldn't scare her – he couldn't push her away and tell her everything was fine when she knew it wasn't. He was like a magnet – drawing her closer with every word, every look he cast her.

"I know – I just…" Martin sighed, his words coming out in a very tiny voice. It was really amazing how she could almost feel his heart break along with the words coming out – few yet extremely powerful. And he wasn't even looking at her – he kept his stare at the lake, ominous as it was, speaking softly.

"I just – believed in him you know?" he whispered, looking up at her with incredibly sad eyes, the gleam in them no longer there, the spark gone, and the stars in them turned off.

It made her want to cry. Seeing someone like him this way – it wasn't right, he didn't deserve all this pain. It hurt her for some reason unknown.

Finishing his coffee, he threw it in the trashcan next to the bench, hers already there. She always drank her coffee a lot faster than he did for some reason – probably because she was more of an addict, needing her caffeine in a hurry.

Placing her hand upon his, her thumb caressed the back of his hand while she squeezed it gently in hers, hoping to soothe him a bit.

"I know you did – and you did what you could do, just sometimes – in our jobs Martin we see a lot of those things and they're never fair, I hate them too, but you know what?"

He moved his gaze back to the lake, shaking his head lightly.

Samantha moved her other hand to his face, forcing him to look back at her with a hold on his chin, smiling weakly at him. She couldn't believe how smooth his skin was – how was that possible? She couldn't even the stubbles! Wow…

"We can't change fate – as much as we want to sometimes, we can't and it is something I have worked really hard on accepting but it is possible Martin – I know first hand"

She squeezed his hand, staring at him for a while, seeing the hurt and the tears in his eyes.

Sighing, Martin looked down at their hands, his eyes closing as the pain inside him bubbled over, a tear leaking out, running down his cheek. Seeing it, Samantha wiped it off with her thumb, Martin looking back up at her, blue eyes meeting hazel ones.

It was as a struck of lightening, neither completely sure what exactly happened, both just feeling so warm and content as their lips met, eyes closing.

Letting her hand drop from his face, Samantha pulled back, smiling weakly at him, cupping his hand in hers.

"Go home and get some rest" she whispered, standing up, still smiling.

And he stood up too, holding onto her hand, giving her a sad smile as he squeezed it in his;

"Thanks – for everything really"

But she only smiled; "It's what friends are for right?"

He smiled, leaned in and kissed her cheek before dropping her hand with a last squeeze, a small smile on his face.

And then he walked away, his eyes with a weak gleam in them – the stars back in them.

Maybe some day, she thought, maybe some day…


End file.
